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| Griping and grumbling (idolatry) |
| 07.29.04 (7:24 pm) [edit] |
Circumstance do not change what someone is, they reveal what someone is. ... and so it is written that as Paul was imprisoned unjustly - there was not a Roman that Paul saw at the other end of his chain.
Ephesians 3:1
"... I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus..."
Ephesians 4:1
"As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you ."
Philemon 1:9
". I then, as Paul–an old man and now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus"
And so on.
Where others saw a roman guard at the end of the chain, Paul saw someone different. Paul saw Jesus as his prisoner, and he was happy to be wherever Jesus had him, whether on the open sea or in a dungeon - violating his Roman citizenship.
So trouble comes your way, as it does us all. That trouble reveals something about the others that have neglected decency, but our reaction reveals us, and God is not interested in dealing about anyone else but ourselves with ourselves.
Why try to change the circumstance by griping and shaming the offenders?
Why not be changed by the circumstance and soften the heart by running to the Lord?
Griping and grumbling is a false idol that I use to envoke a change or control those that make me uncomfortable. You can justify it all you want, but don't ask me to join you. There is no justification for me (or anyone else) to complain, for to do so is a complaint against Christ who holds the cosmos together with His might, and Who permits whatever circumstance that we might wish He would have prevented.
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| Here is my #. Call me! |
| 07.26.04 (1:58 pm) [edit] |
I understand that there are people from many different lands that might be reading this. Some places will cost me about $7-$10 per minute, but I don't care.
Call me collect. I don't mind.
Here is my number. It has a couple of sevens, and zeros and fours. There is a one, and a three, and a two and a six.
Call whenever you like.
You have the numbers, but I know that something is missing. There is a reason that I know I won't be getting many calls from Russia in the middle of the night. You have to have an order before you have a chance of completing the call. You can't do anything without order.
God has an order, and before we get to misbehavior or good WORKS, we must first address GLORY. Before we can talk about the WHAT we have to primarily address the WHY when we are talking about the things of God.
The battle is not between good and evil. The prime battle is between God's glory and those that want to claim it for their own as the evil one has done.
I have alot of glory robbing potential, because I am wonderfully made, as are we all. I might look at my strength, abilities, wisdom, beauty, etc. and think that I am reeeeally something ... and I am not yet even sure just how marvelous I am, because one day I'll stand before Him and see that I am just like Him. "... and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him,..." 1 John 3:2b
God has to shepherd me to make me safe for His glory. Lessons need to be learned. Understanding must be gained. Humility must be harvested, and God knows just how to accomplish this.
We not yet brought to the feast, to participate in the wedding. We are sent on a side trip to earth, so that can loose our self-confidence, manifest weakness, fall into decay, be shown our ignorance, and ultimately be shown a grave. The willing will embrace the grave, because we have not simply followed Jesus' behavior thinking that we can muster the courage and fortitude to mimic Him, bur rather we are following Him to be wind up WHERE He did ... the place of humiliation, the spectacle of weakness, and the moment of abasement. In that place, we abandon taking the glory for anything, so that even if we are one day lifted to the heavens and placed in splendor with crowns on our heads and thrones next to the Lamb, our only thought will be to take off the crown and cast it to Him. It will be our instinct, our drive ... to give all glory to God.
The spiritual walk always is a walk to the place of death with a cross in tow.
Then we will be safe, even in splendor, for limitless glory, as even now we gain the understanding that our limited glory, strength, wisdom, beauty, and "life" is really not our own, but a deposit ... only an illusion of something that belongs solely to us.
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| Surrendering Two Hours Too Late |
| 07.08.04 (8:37 am) [edit] |
I was out of town at a training, and running a bit behind. But if everything went well, I could roll out of Kinko's having sent an important fax before class started. .... If everything went well, that is.
Ever notice the Kinko's clerks? They never notice you. It is worse when you are in a hurry, because they just stand there trying to look busy.
So, I am behind the counter, trying to burn holes in the backs of their heads with a "please me if you can" angry-customer stare, while everyone is ignoring me. The only person that notices me is the cashier, who won't lift a finger to help me, because she can't leave her general area near the register. Finally, a dude notices me and then takes his time finishing whatever meaningless task he was doing to look busy before slowly walking over to the counter.
"Yes, you can help me." I urgently reply, "I emailed two pages to be printed, and confirmed that they would be ready to pick up this morning?" Without trying to even look like he gave a darn, he started to look around and scratch his head, then mumbled something before disappearing into one of the back offices. That is when I see it, right behind the counter ... the two pages that I emailed.
So, I pick up the pages and start waving them over my head, intensifying my angry-customer stare. But, I can't stare at him when he is behind the wall in the back office, I am just hoping that he is looking out of the tinted glass. Finally, he re-emerges to actually retard his normally sluggish pace while walking to the counter. I describe the fact that I found the prints, and giving up on sending the fax .. I request to pay. The clerk-o-the-month, scribbles something on a sheet of paper and says to take it to the cashier. "Oh, that is great!" I think to myself "... another line!"
The cashier seemed to be the only person to care, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt and explained that I called for a quote when I sent the order, and the total that was quoted to me was $0.25 ... thinking that the information might make her job easier, with the relief that at least I had part of what I came for.
"ten-sixty-six," the cashier mumbled.
Immediately time stood still as I pondered a thousand different possible meanings of the words coming from this nice young woman's mouth. Is it a code? Is she trying to tell me something important or making conversation, I actually had no idea, and thought that I misunderstood.
"ten cents?" I asked.
"ten-sixty-six." she nodded.
What does this mean? Is this a riddle? The quote was for 25 cents and she is not saying that the total is ten cents, so what could she be trying to tell me? To clear up the ambiguity, I asked the following question without really thinking about it: "Do you mean $10 and 66 cents?"
Unfolding in slow motion as my temperature immediately went through the roof, "Yes, ten-sixty-six."
AGHAHHGHAGH!!!
I let her have it, she relented, and I threw the receipt at her head. (Well, actually I didn't do throw it, but I wanted to.)
There I am, flushed with emotion, as I speed off ... late to training class. ... and I still haven't sent my fax.
Here is my prayer as I am am undone, "Lord, I can't even handle a trip to Kinko's, I can't even handle loosing a buck or two without loosing my composure. I am weak and I should have realized that when I woke up instead of two hours later. If I only would have prayed this before, but I pray it now: with my hand over my heart - Lord, you are welcome in my heart today, I want my wants to be your wants, because today is too great of a day for a man, it calls for divinity. Lord, I am out of love, you come be my love today. I am out of peace, you come and give me your peace." And with that I re-gained some of my peace. The rest of it returned when I went back and apologized for being a jerk.
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| Angry 'cause I fear/Afraid 'cause I fake |
| 07.06.04 (8:42 am) [edit] |
Angry 'cause I fear/Afraid 'cause I fake
We have this little joke around my family: "That makes me angry" we say with a smile. The toll road is now 50 cents more ... so "that makes me angry" we tell each other. Whenever something bad happens, we joke that it makes us angry. The reason that it is funny to us, is because we know that we are in charge of our own temperance, and it is not up to the world to prevent our anger.
Circumstances do not change what I am; they reveal what I am. Thus, it is up to myself to prevent my own anger.
I really do get angry sometimes. It seems like every time that I am angry, it is because I am afraid about something ... afraid that I will miss out, disappoint. loose, etc.
And the top reason that I have fear, is because of pretense. As I try to hold things together and keep up appearances, then I am highly stressed, because someone might find out that I am faking it ... and I want them to think that I really do have it all together. So the fear of unflattering disclosure of my limitations can quickly put me into a position where my anger is revealed. (I say 'anger is revealed', because that is what is really taking place. Nothing can make me angry, but many things can reveal my anger.) I want them to approve of me, but I think that will only happen if I am reliable.
With one hand I beckon them closer because I live for their smile, and with the other I push them away, so that I can hide my true condition ... all for the sake of my own kingdom.
For example:
Often I am angry when circumstance may have me arrive late. Why? Is it not because I am afraid what people will think of me, who are counting on me, or for whatever reason might be disappointed if I don't show up on time? What if I do show up late, and what if they do think badly of me? What if they don't trust me anymore and turn to someone else who shows up on time? What if I am cut out of something because of the accumulation of blown expectations upon me? Do you see how I might make "anger" into my little friend to control the situation so that won't happen? I'll just be angry enough to intimidate those around me so that they won't risk making me late and I can maintain my image.
Angry, because I fear. Afraid, because I fake.
Freedom is knowing that you no longer live for others approval, because you know that you are approved by God. Those that know that I have Christ living in me, would honor me for His sake even if I am always the last person to show up. If they cannot find it in themselves to do that, then so be it. I do not require them to do that, and instead I will honor them for the sake of Christ. They don't have to be lovely to earn my love, and I can choose to abandon the pretense and let them know what is always true: I am unreliable. I cannot be counted upon. In fact, it is a bit of a release to know that at least one group of people no longer has unrealistic expectations on me. Now, they know the truth, that I won't always do what I say, nor be where I said I would be at the time that I said that I would be there. So be it.
To walk in the light is to simply abandon the image building. In such a walk you will find alot less fear, and alot less anger. Wouldn't you agree that this is a more excellent way?
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